Still with the Waiting

My appointment with the doctor isn't until tomorrow, but in the meantime, I've been checking my sugar all weekend. It's been running from around the 260 range all the way up to a high of 402, which is sort of what I expected with my A1C as high as it was. I've mainly been getting morning and bedtime readings, but I've also done a few post-prandial checks after different meals. I also figured out that a slice of caramel-icing birthday cake increased it by about 80 points.

It's been a little frustrating to see how high my glucose is and not be able to treat it. I've tried to keep telling myself that it's just to gather information to take with me to my appointment tomorrow, but that doesn't always work. I've been pretty distracted at work and some even at home, and at every meal I get this sense of either frustration and loss (when I deny myself the "bad" stuff) or guilt and fear (when I eat the "bad" stuff anyway). I want to eat right, but I'm already feeling some twinges of rebellion when good-intentioned loved ones offer me "sugar free" foods.

So far, I've already cut out sugary drinks, which isn't a big deal except for my beloved sweet tea (since I do live in the South, you know). And while I haven't eaten very well at every meal, I have been very aware of the foods that are being served and how freaking terrible most of them are for me. It's going to be a huge deal to change my diet. Again, being in the South means meals full of potatoes, biscuits, rolls, cake, fried foods, gravy, and pie. Since I'm not much of a vegetable person, even the "healthy" part of my diet consists of sweeter fruits (like apples, watermelon, and strawberries... sometimes even augmented by a few spoonfuls of sugar).

But enough talk about food. Today, along with actually doing my job, of course, I'm going to be getting my thoughts together about what I want to ask my doctor for in the way of treatment. I'm pretty sure that, based on recent research and talking with the employee health nurse, I'm going to ask for a basal insulin (Lantus) along with metformin. It's pretty aggressive, but with how high my sugar is and how difficult it will be for me to make a lasting lifestyle change (and lose the weight I need to shed), I just want to jump on top of it and get things under control first. Heck, a year or two and a hundred pounds from now, I'll happily stop insulin shots. But until I reach that point, I want to make sure that this sugar isn't affecting my long-term health.

I guess that's enough for today, but I'll get back to you tomorrow with what happens.

So, I Have Diabetes...

Just yesterday, I found out that I have type 2 diabetes. It's a little weird, but I haven't actually been to my doctor yet. I don't know how many other people out there sort of diagnose themselves as I have, but then again, I am a nurse with an above-average understanding of diabetes.

You see, I had some blood drawn yesterday in preparation for my regular (though somewhat delayed) physical that is scheduled on next Tuesday. I work in a hospital, and one of our benefits is to be able to have labs drawn once a year for free, so when the results come back, they come directly to the employee via our Employee Health department. So anyway, my serum glucose was 328, and worse than that, my Hgb-A1c was 11.8. You don't have to be a doctor to know that those numbers equal diabetes. And not any sort of borderline/prediabetic crap; I'm talkin' "do not pass Go, head straight for full-blown Diabetes" territory here.

It wasn't even necessarily a complete surprise to me. About a year-and-a-half ago (at my last physical), my sugar was a little high, and I've got some significant family history of diabetes. But still, to sit there and stare at that number and immediately know the implications was quite a shock. Yeah, any objective observer could probably have looked at me and figured that it was practically inevitable (what with the family history, being overweight, and eating like a crazy lunatic for so long), but there's always a part of you that says, "it can't happen to me".

Well, yesterday, it did.

Thankfully, the Employee Health nurse (Margaret's her name) that was working yesterday has a lot of experience with diabetes, both professionally and personally. So she talked briefly with me pointed me towards some good resources. She also recommended a glucometer (the Accu-Chek Aviva) which I've already gone out and bought.

Gwen, my lovely wife, is completely wonderful and totally supportive. I can tell that she's at a bit of a loss in how to help, but I think that all I really need or want right now is the emotional support. We both know that we've got to make some big changes in our eating and exercise (or current total lack thereof) habits, but I've got to be ready before we can really go there. If I feel that someone is trying to impose changes on me, I'm afraid that I'll resist them; so that kind of stuff needs to come from me and my own motivation.

And as I'm trying to get my head around this thing, I really just need emotional support... and a lot of it.